Impossible to be a Woman Monologue
It feels about 152 degrees here in Austin, so what does every Austinite do when their town is boiling? Head straight to the movie theater, the one place that is cool. Yesterday, my mom, two daughters and I went to see the long awaited Barbie movie and it was dazzling and moving all at the same time.
Yes, there was lots of pink, and the wardrobe and set designs were impeccable, but the film was also hilarious, nostalgic, and particularly poignant for women, especially career moms. America Ferrera’s monologue was epic, resonated, and encapsulated my entire life in mere minutes. I called my partner Helena Kelly who echoed my thoughts and said it felt as if Ferrera was speaking directly to her - she felt seen and understood when it comes to having to do it all under the pressures of being a working mom, and society’s contradictory expectations.
The path to starting up Sagely & Co. has been such a crazy plunge, but the time was right for both of us. We have craved a voice at the executive table over the years, and when we got a voice at the table….well there were just more hurdles to climb. Is there a fair and equitable table, a place for possibility and doing things right, being seen, rewarded, heard and recognized? Was this the table we wanted to be part of, and can we as women live up to all the expectations while still wanting to just thrive and do good work - calling to the lyrics Billie Eilish and FINNEAS’s song, also from the Barbie: The Album soundtrack, What Was I Made For? Footnote, the co-founders Anita Tulsiani and Helena Kelly are just obsessed with the movie!
As ambitious women, know that we as a collection of women are doing things right! We want to have a career and should not have to hide the fact that we are juggling kids, a home life, elderly parents, wanting to maintain our friendships, our book clubs, gym time or going on a much needed girls trip. If you haven’t seen the movie, grab a friend, something pink from your closet, and go! Better yet, go see it a second time with one of your bestie female colleagues, to fully take in Barbie, her positivity, and storytelling at its best. Here is the monologue for those who have seen it and want to revisit it; for those who have not yet seen it, this may be a bit of a spoiler alert.
"It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful and so smart, and it kills me that you don't think you're good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we're always doing it wrong.
You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin.
You have to have money, but you can't ask for money because that's crass. You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean. You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas.
You're supposed to love being a mother, but don't talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people.
You have to answer for men's bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining. You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood.
But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line.
It's too hard! It's too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out, in fact, that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.
I'm just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don't even know."
